Keep clear

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Numbers

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Ambivalence

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Waiting, for clear skies

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First world problems? Try flying

“Thank you for waiting we are now about to take-off”.

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At least that Airplane was funny

You can almost See and taste the lipstick on the flight attendant’s voice. Ta, very much I’ve had no choice but to wait. This retort was fairly mild, (and also metered for banality) for someone who hasn’t been fed and who, also needs to be fed four-hourly or mister Grumpy comes out. The sad factor is that I get to travel a lot, domestically, for my job. What used to be an amazing experience of flying is now no more than sitting on a paid seat in a bus with wings. Sad but true, it’s more or less an industry progression that has swept most of the world. But, enough of first world problems. I’ve always thought how comfortable a flight goes is on the whole, is dictated by the person who you share an armrest next to you. Or around you if it’s that bad. The trouble is, middle aged women tend to talk a lot. I have nothing against them but, within the confines of the aluminium tube you have no-where to go except maybe the lavatory. Depending on whether it’s been turned out, it maybe the only bit of escapism you may get on the whole flight. Thank, God I’d forgotten most of my co L1 and cannot eavesdrop on the conversation. Not that I expect it to be interesting in the slightest. I really wonder why governments want to listen in on our chattering banters. Just.Stop.TALKING. In my self defense, I press my ear buds further into my ears. Samsung earbuds.jpgThe other passenger pet-hate is those sitting in the first class seats. Just one look tells it all for me. Young, female, made up and has an air of entitlement. “Daddy made someone slave all day to get me this seat”. Yeah, I know, I’m doing everything to maintain the neutral mien on my face and not projectile vomit in your direction. Crash position.jpgMy only redeeming thought is that if the plane that we’re on crashes into the ground, you’ll be one of the first people to die. Not nice at all but, I will insist on assuming the crash position at spare moments on the flight, just in case. Perhaps one of the less tolerable types of passenger are the ones that unintentionally invade your personal space. I know that’s just a cheap shot. But, though I possess no diagnosed phobias, I can be a real stickler for non-invasion. I once sat behind a passenger with the hairiest knuckles on the continent. I know this because he kept on putting them over my LCD screen. The other sort of invader is the man-spreader. With the limited amount of space in economy, intrusion is easy. Maybe, I should be less sensitive but, surely your in-flight nuts can’t be that big. Maybe, they’re too hot. One of the causes of infertility is that men’s nuts are too hot, hence the rise of man spreading.EDIT IMG_20170911_192523.jpgMy flight tonight was reasonably on time though with most domestic airlines they insist that “all electronic devices be switched off 30 minutes before and after take-off and landing. So, if you’re on a one hour flight then it’s going to be really quite dull. Personally, I think it’s a communist plot, as it’s just all a kill-joy. It’s anti-fun, because it’s been proven that the electronic devices we carry in no way interred with the radio frequencies used by an airplane but, there is a small chance that it might. Going back to the communist plot, it’s also a form of crowd control. Being a flight attendant must be like trying to reign in a classroom full of naughty kids. I know how that feels, and it must suck being a teacher to people who are mostly adults, that should know better.

Planes, tardy and aquaphobic

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Rain does mean it gets a wee bit wet

For some reason, the romance and mystic of air travel has eluded me. It used to be nice and fanciful, but now I see it as just another flying bus, with very small windows. Perhaps it’s the wrong crowd I’m rubbing shoulders. Literally. In China there’s no such thing as a nice crowd. To be fair the same might go for that in South Korea, too. A mad dash for the door even though we haven’t docked at the terminal. Why the rush? This ain’t no game of Rugby. I’m not sure that channeling the All Blacks (past or present) would help.

But, the one thing that bakes your cake is that the planes are almost always late. Flying in China is problematic. The fact the military owns most of the usable airspace is a further problem. I have proof. The BBC wrote about this sort of thing not so long ago, so it must be true. I’ve seen a lot of angry and irate passengers having a yell at the Flight attendants who, can reply with great honesty that they don’t know when the plane is leaving, or is late, or has in fact arrived at the jet way. CSA or, China Southern Airlines acronyms had early on taken on a more apt meaning. China’s Slowest Airline. There’s another one that also deals with poo.
But, at times, in dealing with my travel woes, the company of my work colleagues, and entertainment, make the waiting all the more comfortable. Still, it’s a small miracle when the plane does finally take off, if not the restrictive amount of airspace to fly, it’s the weather. One of my colleagues and friend once quipped back to me after my question of his planes departure. “I don’t suppose it’ll take off in the rain in case the wings get wet”. He’s not predisposed to making comments like that. He is in fact, Welsh. The circumstances made him say it but, I could hardly laugh, as my flight was leaving soon after his.

The sleepers, await

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